The Less I Know, The Better
- Simranjit Sokhi
- Mar 25
- 5 min read
I used to laugh at self-love quotes.
I found them cringe.
In fact, I'd roll my eyes at some of them, thinking they were the easiest form of pity.
Frankly, all of it felt excessive and extremely selfish. I knew that when people overdid self-love, they began masking avoidant tendencies as a way of "protecting their peace".
But I was wrong to reduce it all to that.
If someone had told me earlier to stop making excuses for people and start walking away when they disrespected me, I would've saved myself from a lot of damage.
But like many other things in life, it's easier said than done.
Humans are naturally very social creatures. We like confiding, loyalty, and personal connection — the more secrets we know, the closer we feel to the inner circle.
We're complex creatures with complex feelings.
And it’s easy to get mixed up in the web.
We’re also very hypocritical.
We get upset when we say we won’t.
We say we’re fine when we’re not.
We ask for space, but secretly want check-ins.
We act like we don’t care when, in reality, we do.
We care a lot.
So I began thinking — why do we care this much?
Why are we constantly worried about knowing more?
What did she say?
Why did he do that?
What was their reaction?
Tell me more.
And because I like observing people, I’ve picked up on a few things here and there. I've seen the concept of "more" turn into a never-ending, power-hungry trap. There comes a point when these questions go beyond curiosity, and the transition from friend to foe flips like a switch.
I thank my parents for raising me in a way that helps me understand when that curiosity becomes prying and how to avoid it. And because of that, I'm good at picking up on it from other people, from the start.
When you look for information with the intention of wanting the upper hand, you're not asking for knowledge anymore.
You’re placing yourself on an ego pedestal, finding and holding information hostage until it becomes useful to you. But you do this all while knowing that taking an interest in another person's shortcomings doesn't take away from the chaos of your own.
That’s hypocrisy.
You say you’re an honest individual, but you hold onto someone’s truth to benefit your standing in a situation. You choose silence while knowing everything, just to make yourself seem like the most desirable person in the room. You hide someone's virtues because it compromises your loyalty to the audience before you. You only "stand up for what's right" when it's right for you.
Ustad Ghulam Ali Ji has a special place in my heart. Ghazals, in general, are one of the few constants in my life. But recently, this one ghazal in particular has stayed with me more.
I’ve been playing Apni Dhun Mein Rehta Hoon in my head, on repeat. I hum it while making my bed. I constantly tap out an imaginary beat of the tabla while the tune loops in my mind.
Ghulam Ji beautifully states: I live in my own world, content in my own company.
What a simple, yet difficult state to reach.
The more I sit with it, the more I realize that this kind of peace is not accidental. You don’t just stumble into it. It's something you must protect, over and over and over again.
You have to be selective with what you let in and carry with you, and what gets left behind. If you hold onto everything — every opinion, every reaction — you slowly lose the ability to hear your own rhythm.
And therefore, I say...
Do not tell me what someone thinks of me. The less I know, the better.
Do not tell me what people have said about me. The less I know, the better.
I do not care enough to be the favorite one.
I certainly do not care enough to be the chosen one.
More often than not, the chosen one isn’t the one who’s in their dhun — they have somewhere, somehow, taken someone else’s struggles and obstacles and turned them into their shield of loyalty to the wrong crowd.
I say this as someone who has spent most of their life being the person people confide in. I’ve listened. I’ve tried to understand. I’ve shown up when things have fallen apart. And I have no regrets. I have no shame in my honesty either. I have stretched myself for people who would never do the same. I’ve let behaviors and remarks slide long past their time. But the line must be drawn somewhere.
And recently, this realization has hit me like a rock:
Being dependable is very different from being available to be walked over.
When you decide to step back, you begin to understand that it isn’t selfish to ask for respect, but then again, it isn't something you should have to ask for. You must refuse to abandon the person you have to live with the longest — yourself. NEVER allow another person’s indecisiveness or their urge to impress the wrong audience disturb your peace.
A person who is truly content with themselves does not chase approval. They don’t collect gossip, and they certainly don’t measure themselves against a room full of opinions.
Peace is a strange thing. Even when you choose not to know, or simply keep to yourself, your refusal to be influenced will still unsettle people. You can be unproblematic, and people will still have a problem with you. The truth is, the world is built on attachment. Once you step outside of it, people don’t know what to do with you. Some people don’t want friends who stand up for the right thing. They want friends who will pick their side, even if they’re morally wrong.
That’s the real reason why you can’t “win”.
But what kind of win is that if you lose all your peace, morality, and dignity just to be “accepted”?
So, like Ustad Ghulam Ali Ji, stay in your dhun.
Don’t let others’ lack of sense disturb your world.
Preserve yourself for those who do things the right way, not the easy way.
And most importantly, step away from people who feed off your reactions, energy, and knowledge. Step away from those who have taken advantage of your loyalty, your tendencies to let things slide, and your kindness.
It's not selfish to want respect. It's not selfish to want to be loved. And like the cringe, self-love quotes I used to look down upon, I will say: love yourself enough that when someone gives you any less, you know when to walk away.
Author's Note: There's a distinction between staying in your own world and hiding behind the mask of neutrality. Peace is never an excuse for complicity. If you possess the truth that clears an innocent name or balances a tilted scale, speak. Stepping out of your dhun to prevent an injustice isn't a distraction; it is a duty. But do so with the intent to restore the right thing, not to join the choir of the easy thing. Speak the truth, settle the record, and then—return to your peace. Don't let the chaos you went to fix become the house you live in.
**tabla (ਤਬਲਾ): popular North Indian percussion instrument consisting of two drums
**Ustad Ghulam Ali Ji (ਉਸਤਾਦ ਗੁਲਾਮ ਅਲੀ ਜੀ): famous Pakistani ghazal singer, known as one of the greatest
**ghazal (ਗ਼ਜ਼ਲ): form of lyrical poetry with literature from Arabic and Persian descent, often focusing on themes of love, loss, and longing
**dhun (ਧੁਨ): passion/tune/melody; figuratively, absorption in thought (loosely used as peace in this writing)
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